I Love You Dad
By Angie Matthiessen, Executive Director
Seven years. It feels like eternity. The experience creeps up and in. It can be hard to recognize and as much as one may think – this year will be different – it often is not. As Will Reeve describes, grief is permanent, but the pain is not.
As we move into the “love week”, folks will be thinking about Valentine’s and all the ways to share their love for one another. For some it can be hard. For me, I travel around and in it. Between February 9 and 16 every year now, I can’t help myself.
I have people in my life who marvel over how I have an internal need to do this to myself. For some grief is not expressed this way. Birthday week begins on the 9th (Happy Birthday me!) and my most prominent memory will always be my dad sending me roses every year for Valentine’s. I received that last bouquet on 2-13-18, with the simple note “Love Dad”. I texted him how much it meant to me. We spoke on the phone as I was preparing to head to a United Way Florida meeting on the 15th.
The next day, he played golf, went to Bojangles Restaurant and then passed peacefully at home on the 16th. Incredibly and perfectly, he died on his son’s birthday, joining my brother John in heaven after a long 38 years apart.
A mere ten weeks later, my mom was gone after a short but extremely acute illness. They had been divorced forty-three years. Not long after she died, going through one of her boxes, I found letters that my dad wrote to her during their courtship. In one closing, my dad wrote, “I will love you forever and not less than eternity”. These words between them meant more than I can possibly explain and have been an anchor for me, words I use often.
You are likely wondering, what in the world has happened to Angie? Or, is she okay? Yes, I am okay, but this grief thing is hard, can be hard. If I have learned anything from a lifetime of grief encounters, it is that everyone does it differently. Additionally, it can creep in and be hard to identify. Just like the last couple of days when I felt unsettled, often referred to as a sense of foreboding. Last night, I had a good cry and labeled it for what it was.
How does this relate back to the work we do at United Way Charlotte County? We see it every single day. People hurting, lonely, needing an embrace (my word for 2025), a listening ear. Mental health, crime, drug abuse. Is it possible, grief can be hard to name, and it shows up in other little and monumental ways? Yes, it is. A chaplain helped me understand this many years ago, so much can be traced back to that.
Thank you for allowing me to share this story. These stories of heartache and love and goodness are what will last for eternity. Love those around you, tell them, write the letter and send it - they do last as I cherish my dad’s words to my mom and pass it on to my daughter.
There are incredible organizations in our community able to help with grief and loss. If you feel called to be there for someone else who is lonely, there are opportunities for this in the Friendship at Home program. Lastly, we do have other volunteer opportunities – where you can love on others and be loved on. Please visit our website at unitedwayccfl.org/Forever
For more information about United Way of Charlotte County’s mission: Mobilizing the power of our community to break the cycle of poverty, please contact Angie Matthiessen, Executive Director. She can be reached at director@unitedwayccfl.org.